workplace baf-rooms

I'm sure there hast been many artikels about this written, but now I get to add to that list!

So, workplace bathrooms. Can anyone say "awkward"? Out loud, please? Danke.

Here are some of the awkward moments I encounter, in no particular rank order based on awkwardness level:

-when you didn't poop, but someone before you did, and you're washing your hands and someone new comes in and thinks you just pooped
-when the person next to you is in the middle of pooping and when you come in, they get all quiet.
-when you're the one pooping and someone else comes in, and you get all quiet.
-when one of you is already in the process and the other one comes in to do the same, and you both get all quiet. an awkward silence, unmatched by any other of life's awkward silences
-when you enter the bathroom with a co-worker and you have to go your separate ways/stalls but they keep trying to talk to you once you've started peeing
-when you are having a conversation in separate stalls and the time comes to flush, which means that you will be 'missing' a portion of what they are saying. do you say, 'hold on a sec, I have to flush but I am really interested in what you are saying so just hold on a sec.' ?
-when you are washing your hands and you have to reach over to their sink to get the soap
-this conversation: "you go ahead." "no, you." "no, you." "are you sure? no, you." in unison, "okay" "oops, no you..." applied to many things, especially the paper towel dispenser
-when the other person accidentally makes 'a noise' while peeing and you laugh out loud
-when you accidentally make 'a noise' while peeing and you laugh out loud at yourself
-when you have to use the tampon dispenser in front of someone else
-when you have to use the tampon dispenser in front of someone else, and it malfunctions

shakira is a muppet

This may come as a shock to some people, but the truth must be told:

Shakira can't sing.


In fact, she's downright awful. Sure she's beautiful, and her hips might be telling me the God-honest truth about a variety of things, but that sound that come out of her mouth tells me that she needs to just get a job at a Middle Eastern restaurant on Fridays and Saturdays as the token belly dancer where she can keep quiet aside from jingling coins on her hips and mouse-sized cymbals stuck to her fingers.

Someone needs to let Shakira know that the inability to hit notes an octave higher than her normal speaking voice should NOT be substituted with a weak impersonation of Kermit the Frog because, really, that's all she's doing.

Don't believe me? Listen to Hips Don't Lie (which can be found on 1 out of every 5 MySpace pages), and instead of trying to dance around like you know what you are doing, sit still and imagine Wyclef jamming behind a waist-high wall next to a small green Muppet with a banjo... It works.... Because that voice belongs on the Muppet Show, not on my radio.

3...2...1...lift off!