shakira is a muppet

This may come as a shock to some people, but the truth must be told:

Shakira can't sing.


In fact, she's downright awful. Sure she's beautiful, and her hips might be telling me the God-honest truth about a variety of things, but that sound that come out of her mouth tells me that she needs to just get a job at a Middle Eastern restaurant on Fridays and Saturdays as the token belly dancer where she can keep quiet aside from jingling coins on her hips and mouse-sized cymbals stuck to her fingers.

Someone needs to let Shakira know that the inability to hit notes an octave higher than her normal speaking voice should NOT be substituted with a weak impersonation of Kermit the Frog because, really, that's all she's doing.

Don't believe me? Listen to Hips Don't Lie (which can be found on 1 out of every 5 MySpace pages), and instead of trying to dance around like you know what you are doing, sit still and imagine Wyclef jamming behind a waist-high wall next to a small green Muppet with a banjo... It works.... Because that voice belongs on the Muppet Show, not on my radio.